Whew! So I'm at this stage now. Because after the drama unfolds, I think I am now facing the scariest time in any romantic relationship -- that is when it starts to look like it’s actually going to work out. Why? I picked up the pieces, made amends, apologized, and vowed to be better. In that light, I am fighting for my love by compromising. I've made peace with myself and tried to with everyone involved in this whole mess. I am hopeful. I am optimistic.

But what I didn't expect, now that the walls have been broken, is the gnawing feeling that once again shakes me to the very core. Okay, stop! I'm not a worrier... but chronic dissatisfaction? Man, I need a shrink.



Though now I realize that love is not about all-or-nothing. It’s about the good, the bad, and the everything. I'll take that advice starting right now, to relax a little more, enjoy a little more, and shelve the judgments and criticisms that create the so-called dissatisfaction.

It is said that once you start accepting others, you’ll accept yourself, and when you’re in touch with yourself, you’ll know exactly what you need to have the best relationship. And the best part? You may already be in that relationship. ^_^

I thank God for the strength, the knowledge to know the difference, and the people who makes a difference.

So let's all turn the page for the next chapter in my book, shall we? Are you guys with me?



⋆✌㋡ღ⋆ ia\m/^_^\m/ai 陳美西

That’s it. I’ve decided to blog my heart out today.

First off, I’ve had it. Had what? I’ve had it with YOU implying that I am controlling my boyfriend. So what’s new? Well, let me tell you... for the Nth time -- I DO NOT CONTROL ANYONE, ESPECIALLY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.  Love is like a butterfly, hold it tight and it will crush, but hold it loose and it will fly. If he does anything UNBELIEVABLE (by your standards), you hold me accountable. I am not accountable for anyone’s actions. I do not manipulate anyone. If anyone does something far out for me, it’s because that person is in love with me! You would do ANYTHING for the one you love. I know I would do anything for my boyfriend. Wait, wait… HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? I mean REALLY in love!? Do you even know what LOVE does to a person? Have you even felt like you can’t live without someone? Well then, why can’t you understand it? It’s not like I’m making my boyfriend jump into the mud or have him wipe the shit out of me! If I’d want him to take me out on a spin, we take my car.  If he takes your car, then your best guess should be because he wants to go out for a ride. I’m just saying this because I have a hunch you’re making so much outrageous comments and snide remarks.

So last night, just because he didn’t answer his phone, you blame it on me? Yes, I happened to read the text message you sent him. I don’t tell him what to do, FYI. If he doesn’t answer his phone, have you even considered it was on silent mode or that he was doing something else and didn’t hear it ring…(it happens to me, too!)... aside from saying it’s because I tell him not to pick it up? I mean…what the hell are you taking me for? SOMEONE LIKE YOU? Come on, you’re the person who wants to prove something. Not me. I don’t need to prove our love because you can see it… In fact, ANYONE can see it. If you can’t, you’re probably blind. If I don’t want you calling my boyfriend, then I could shut off his phone… but because I surely don’t mind it, then I couldn’t give a rat’s ass. Call all you want. Trouble us if that’s what you intend to. You know what, I try to think you don’t exist, for my anger management, but you make it so hard for me to ignore you. Congrats! You succeeded last night.

Seriously, stop pointing fingers at me every time my boyfriend does something. He is 20 years old. Say what? That’s young? Let me tell you, 20 is just a number! I know a lot of 30-to-40-plus-year-old men who don’t know the difference between shit and shawarma. You raised a good son… in fact, he’s like a freaking zombie to you, noh? Oh, that’s right… You’re his mom and you have EVERY RIGHT because what? You own him? Ummm.. whatever, okay? I’m not even going there. My only concern is that YOU STOP POINTING FINGERS AT ME.

Have you considered that he does things because he WANTS to? Take this scenario for example. I work the whole day, but my boyfriend insists he comes over even though I can’t really give him much attention. But why does he do that? He says because he wants to SEE me… and he’s quite content by just doing that. Awww how sweet, right? That’s what people in love do. So don’t even think it’s my freaking idea because seriously, I need to earn a living and I value every single second of my time… (Negosyante man ka karon… time is gold, diba?) But that also does not stop me from seeing him because I am happy whenever I am with him. I don’t mind having him around in spite of my work demands because I love him. If truth be told, my stress disappears… He is also my perfect drug and I can’t live without him, too. I’m pretty sure he feels the same way, not because he tells me so (or because I TOLD HIM so) but because I feel it. People in love feel the need to be together. So please just try to understand that being IN LOVE isn’t bad. Please stop insinuating that I am a slave driver… because if I want a Man Friday, I could freaking hire one.

What? I’m rude now? I’m uncouth, crude, impolite? Well, I am HUMAN. I hurt every time my boyfriend gets hurt… Don’t even ask why. You know very well he gets anxiety attacks and he hyperventilates. Rushing to the emergency room has become very familiar to me now. If you’re his mom then you should know what that’s like. I don’t like it one bit but I put up with it because I can’t lose him. I love him and even if you think I am NOT GOOD for him which bothers me remarkably, I won’t give in to that. I will fight for my love like I told you from the start and with all due respect, if you can’t stand it, please… just stand aside.

Amor vincit omnia.

⋆✌㋡ღ⋆ ia\m/^_^\m/ai 陳美西

 P.S. I feel so much better now. Have a Happy Sunday everyone!