It's the first time in a looooong time that I woke up sobbing so early in the morning. Blame it on the freakish nightmare I just had. As soon as I awoke with salty tears streaming down my face, I speed dialed PaJan with one question in mind, "Naa paka? (Are you there?)"  And a groggy voice at the other end replied, "Yeaahhh." Then with a statement that needed no confirmation, "Don't cry. You had a bad dream. Balik katog. Ayaw na ug hilak. (Go back to sleep. Don't cry anymore.)" I told him about the dream wanting to jinx it. Then he reassured me that it was only a dream. But the images were still so vivid and I wanted it all to go away. I told him I'm taking back the things I said to him before about death that it was okay to die. It's NOT okay. Death is something I don't want to deal with right now and I'm not really ready for it either. Then I hit Manoy's digits and woke him up as well. I told him about the nightmare then we prayed. Now I feel relieved.

But the strange thing is it wasn't only 1 person who died in that night terror I had. In that dream, Manoy and I were also fighting in the car because his bestfriend's girlfriend was flirting with him and I got so infuriated that I slapped the bitch and told her off. We were fighting inside the car when a mob was gathering outside. There was an old man who climbed up a tree clearly wanting to leap and commit suicide. I can remember how his eyes were like, as if he didn't have irises. They were just white. Eeek! People were screaming everywhere telling him to come down. Another person was trying to climb up to save him or something. But just then, HE JUMPED! Waaaahhhhh!

Yesterday, I dreamt that my tooth fell off. The person involved was my tattoo artist, Neil. I wrote on his Facebook wall about it. You know what they say about dreams involving teeth, right? Not funny. In the Greek culture, when you dream about loose, rotten, or missing teeth, it indicates that a family member or close friend is very sick or even near death. I grew up with that in mind even though I'm not Greek. You see, some weeks ago, I was also dreaming about my teeth falling out and I believe Mamertz did, too. Recently, our grand uncle (Lola's brother) died. We had received the bad news over the phone one night last week. And I didn't even know he was sick! It was so sudden. But that's just death, right? Just like a thief in the night!

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;
And if I die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
-Classic children's prayer from the 18th century

Don't you think that prayer sounds a little too macabre for kids? Hmmm... I do pray before going to bed. Manoy & I had made it a ritual over the past months to pray together [over the phone] before getting some shut eye. And if we get to wake up together, we pray, too. If not, then before I get up, I always give thanks for the new day and ask for strength to get through it.

Now, I don't know if I need to pray more or if there's an underlying psychological trauma or stress that's been giving me these weird dreams. My guess is that I should stop eating midnight snacks as it's been claimed that eating before bed triggers an increase in the body's metabolism and brain activity, which is another potential stimulus for nightmares. So it's goodbye to BBQ for now.

And right now I need to get a hold of myself because it's going to be Thanksgiving in the U.S. and I have so much work to do now before everybody leaves for the holidays. Now, I'm craving for roasted turkey! Argh. Butterball, where are you?

⋆✌㋡ღ⋆ 陳美西

I had another topic in mind for my blog tonight but just now I decided to talk about something else. My gums are still throbbing like crazy after having endured a great ordeal with my recent dental work. I've been stressing about it for a week because it's really true that a smile can be priceless... or in my case, paving the perfect way to insolvency.

What did I do now? Nothing really. I just opened my mouth for what seemed like forever while the good doctor drilled, contoured, and God knows what else he did to give me back my self-confidence. Apparently, I'm one of the unfortunate souls who aren't blessed with enviable pearly whites.

A quick history. Nine years ago I got myself a fixed bridge. What is that? Well, it's like dentures but the permanent kind, so you don't have to worry about chewing gum sticking to it or worse, losing it at the beach when you're out swimming. I got 4 false teeth that is. Too much information, huh? Well, for those who can relate, it really is a pain in the neck (or the oral mucosa) having to deal with it.

About a week ago, I was brushing my teeth under pressure after getting alarmed when my mobile phone kept ringing while I was doing my nightly hygiene ritual. (Note to self: Turn the phone off or put it in silent mode when getting ready for bed.) So then, my gums must have bled when I accidentally brushed too hard. My anger management skills and patience were nowhere to be found that I bit my faggot pink toothbrush so freaking hard that it basically broke my tooth! Actually, it was a porcelain tooth so it didn't really hurt... but damn, when I looked at the mirror and smiled, I swear the mirror could have broken to a billion pieces. Okay, so I'm exaggerating. Bottomline: I was really furious at my reflection with one missing tooth! What the #@*%!

Eventually, I was able squeeze an appointment at the dentist the very next day (lucky me, the clinic is just 100 or so meters away from my house) and got it checked. Alas! There's nothing else to do but replace all 4 teeth since it was a fixed bridge. Don't bother asking how much it cost me. But I'll tell you this… it could have bought me a new laptop. There goes my one month salary!

I spent almost an entire afternoon fighting urges to stop squirming at the dentist’s chair as we took off the 9-year-old fixed bridge. When he finally succeeded in getting it all off, I stared at my reflection and it was a million times horrendous compared to that night I broke that one tooth! Thus explains why I sentenced myself on house arrest for a week…

So today, I received an SMS from the secretary at the clinic with good news that my new teeth may be installed today. (Hahaha! Installed! It’s so techy!) Anyways, there I spent an hour or more hoping the pain won’t require me anesthesia but to my dismay, it was really too much to handle. The doctor was even surprised at my actual pain tolerance and the fact that I didn’t bleed much. But after a while, I had to ask for it to block the now considerable amount of pain I was experiencing. And mind you, it wasn’t as sweet as the kind of pain that getting a tattoo brings!

All in all, I’d say he did a very excellent job. The pain was worth it… and now I have a very good reason to smile again.

So here it is… my brand-new smile. Tee hee!



Looks pretty "normal" and ordinary to me. HAHAHA! But that's the point!!!
And what better way to celebrate it than with a pint of ice cream! Hurrayy!!!



Wouldn't you say my dentist did a helluva job well done???



Now, can you guess where's the fixed bridge? ^_^


⋆✌㋡ღ⋆ 陳美西