It's the first time in a looooong time that I woke up sobbing so early in the morning. Blame it on the freakish nightmare I just had. As soon as I awoke with salty tears streaming down my face, I speed dialed PaJan with one question in mind, "Naa paka? (Are you there?)"  And a groggy voice at the other end replied, "Yeaahhh." Then with a statement that needed no confirmation, "Don't cry. You had a bad dream. Balik katog. Ayaw na ug hilak. (Go back to sleep. Don't cry anymore.)" I told him about the dream wanting to jinx it. Then he reassured me that it was only a dream. But the images were still so vivid and I wanted it all to go away. I told him I'm taking back the things I said to him before about death that it was okay to die. It's NOT okay. Death is something I don't want to deal with right now and I'm not really ready for it either. Then I hit Manoy's digits and woke him up as well. I told him about the nightmare then we prayed. Now I feel relieved.

But the strange thing is it wasn't only 1 person who died in that night terror I had. In that dream, Manoy and I were also fighting in the car because his bestfriend's girlfriend was flirting with him and I got so infuriated that I slapped the bitch and told her off. We were fighting inside the car when a mob was gathering outside. There was an old man who climbed up a tree clearly wanting to leap and commit suicide. I can remember how his eyes were like, as if he didn't have irises. They were just white. Eeek! People were screaming everywhere telling him to come down. Another person was trying to climb up to save him or something. But just then, HE JUMPED! Waaaahhhhh!

Yesterday, I dreamt that my tooth fell off. The person involved was my tattoo artist, Neil. I wrote on his Facebook wall about it. You know what they say about dreams involving teeth, right? Not funny. In the Greek culture, when you dream about loose, rotten, or missing teeth, it indicates that a family member or close friend is very sick or even near death. I grew up with that in mind even though I'm not Greek. You see, some weeks ago, I was also dreaming about my teeth falling out and I believe Mamertz did, too. Recently, our grand uncle (Lola's brother) died. We had received the bad news over the phone one night last week. And I didn't even know he was sick! It was so sudden. But that's just death, right? Just like a thief in the night!

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;
And if I die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
-Classic children's prayer from the 18th century

Don't you think that prayer sounds a little too macabre for kids? Hmmm... I do pray before going to bed. Manoy & I had made it a ritual over the past months to pray together [over the phone] before getting some shut eye. And if we get to wake up together, we pray, too. If not, then before I get up, I always give thanks for the new day and ask for strength to get through it.

Now, I don't know if I need to pray more or if there's an underlying psychological trauma or stress that's been giving me these weird dreams. My guess is that I should stop eating midnight snacks as it's been claimed that eating before bed triggers an increase in the body's metabolism and brain activity, which is another potential stimulus for nightmares. So it's goodbye to BBQ for now.

And right now I need to get a hold of myself because it's going to be Thanksgiving in the U.S. and I have so much work to do now before everybody leaves for the holidays. Now, I'm craving for roasted turkey! Argh. Butterball, where are you?

⋆✌㋡ღ⋆ 陳美西