The Valentine Vultures In My Mind

By: MaiMai Tan
Velasquez

“What’s
love got to do with it?” Again, the Tina Turner in my head is screaming wildly
in hopes (of desperation?) that someone might actually just give me a call and
ask me out on Valentines Day! For the Nth time I’ve been asked as to who I’m
spending this oh-so-glorious day with! And the same thing I reply to every
inquisition, “Uh, um, just Jose Cuervo…” Consequently, it’s when people give me
the wide-eyed-I-can’t-believe-you’re-single-and-miserable-oh-you-poor-girl kind
of look that really gets on my nerves. Thanks to the assurance and small pep
talks my tight buddies offer, the least thing I could do is sigh. I try so hard
to put the crabbiness aside, likewise it would probably do me no good. So, I
gave V-day some serious thought and this was what I came up with. BEAR WITH THE
SINISTER SPINSTER IN ME THROUGHOUT THE END OF THIS WRITE-UP. I know some of you
might hate me for this but I just have to let this all out.

Valentine's
Day is that day when you are expected to do something "special" for
the "one" you love. The emotional communist in me starts thinking,
"Nobody in your life should be that special." Why does love
have to have a class structure, with romantic love as the ideal at the top and
other kinds of love at the bottom? Shouldn't we be loving everyone equally? Why
don't we have a day that celebrates true love in its purer, less selfish, less
physical forms -- a day to celebrate benevolence and compassion? Whatever
happened to the concept of loving the one you're with? Isn't it nobler to love
everybody all the time the best you can, rather than hoard up all of your love
for that one "special" person, especially when half the time that
special person doesn't love you as much as you love them, or vice versa? I
maintain that love that has to prove itself isn't love at all; it's an ego trip
that has more to do with the person doing the giving than with actually loving
the object of desire.

Philosophers
would say that being ejected into the nothingness of the ego-void is actually
good for you, an opportunity for the veils to be stripped from your eyes so
that you can be led onto the path of true love. The cornerstone of these
philosophies is that you cannot love another unless you love yourself first,
which is why it might be a good idea to send a Valentine to yourself on
Valentine's Day.

In
our society, many grave mental disturbances are defined by the phrase "It
must be love." If you have a desire to control someone else, it must be
love. If you have the desire to change someone else for their own good, it must
be love. If you have the desire to stay with someone at any cost, it must be
love. If you are obsessed, it must be love. If you lust for someone, it must be
love. These are symptoms of something, but it is not love. I don't believe
there is any truth to the term "crazy in love." If you feel crazy,
you probably just are crazy, and not in love at all. If you are
"lovesick," you are probably just sick, and not in love at all. Love
doesn't have symptoms. Love is nothing special, unless there is something
wrong.

Let's face
it, what's Valentine's Day REALLY about? Money. Money in the pocket of greeting
card, flower, and chocolate companies who we all know are in league with
defense contractors. It only makes sense. The founder of the Nobel Peace Prize
made dynamite for a living, the greeting card companies are helping manufacture
nuclear weapons, and they're watching us all through our television and/or
computer screens. Think about it. Think about how much money all the lovey-dovey
duos are channeling into the capitalist death machine by buying those roses,
sappy cards, and heart shaped candies. We all know love was invented to sell
products. Love is very similar to what happens in your brain when you eat a lot
of chocolate, that's no accident! It's something developed and instilled in us
to sell us more goods!!!!

I
know what you’re saying now: I’m just being bitter that I’m not getting what I
want for V-day which I admit is partly true but I won’t let that put me down
either. Even though I feel somewhat INCOMPLETE (maybe derelict?) I am still
hopeful and thankful for what I have right now. Count your blessings so they
say. I still got my trusty friends – The Barks & Co., more than ever my
dearest mom and dad whose love for me is insurmountable, and I’m only a
statistic to all those other millions of dateless single people in the world.
It doesn’t mean that just because I’m single and dateless my life would be any
different from anyone else’s (okay, maybe my thoughts are a little far out
right now). We’re all unique individuals, each with his and her own life story
to tell. I’m writing mine this way.

With
that, I have a story to share about THE MISSING PIECE.

This
is a fairy tale for adults. It tells the story of a circle that was missing a
piece. A large triangular wedge had been cut out of it. The circle wanted to be
whole with nothing missing, so it went around looking for it's missing piece.
But because it was incomplete and therefore could only roll very slowly, it
admired the flowers along the way. It chatted with worms. It enjoyed the
sunshine. It found lots of different pieces, but none of them fit. So it left
them all by the side of the road and continued searching.

Then
one day the circle found a piece that fit perfectly. It was so happy. Now it
could be whole, with nothing missing. It was incorporated the missing piece
into itself and began to roll. Now that it was a perfect circle, it could roll
very fast, too fast to notice the flowers or talk to the worms.

When
it realized how different the world seemed when it rolled so quickly by, it
stopped, left its found piece by the side of the road and rolled slowly away.

Moral
of the story:

In
some strange sense we are more whole when we are missing something. The man who
has everything is in some ways a poor man. He will never know what it feels
like to yearn, to hope, to nourish his soul with the dream of something better.
He will never know the experience of having someone who loves him give him
something he has always wanted and never had.

There
is a wholeness about the person who has to come to terms with his own
limitations, who has been brave enough to let go of his unrealistic dreams and
not feel like a failure for doing so. There is a wholeness about the man or
woman who

has
learned that he or she is strong enough to go through a tragedy and survive,
who can lose someone and still feel like a complete person. You have been
through the worst and come through intact.

Life
like a baseball season, where even the best team loses one-third of the games
and even the worst has its days of brilliance. Our goal is to win more games
than we lose.

When
we accept that imperfection is part of human being, and that we can continue
rolling through life and appreciating it, we will achieve a wholeness that
others can only aspire to.

MyMaria©2004. Please leave your comments, suggestions & violent reactions.