Published in EV Mail, February 26, 2004.

I don’t know if it’s because it’s February or if I was bitten by the love bug, but I truly feel like I have to impart the message that Venus (or Aphrodite) has enlightened me. Anyhow, either I just have had too much of that love-whatchamacallit over the Valentine weekend or I’m just fed up with conversations on the subject of finding “the right one”. For the unattached it is certainly an interesting topic and I think I might as well write something about it for future reference. Seriously, I’ve had a lot of musing lately.

In fact, LOVE is not what you think it is. Sometimes we mistakenly feel that our first relationship will be our last. Because we are overwhelmed with joy and romance, we forget to learn the meaning of true love. Some are saying that love is unselfish, blind, unconditional or simply denying oneself for the sake of someone very important in our life. Others are saying love is immortal and can never be defined.

When we think we're in love the first thing we almost wanted the whole world to know is that our love for someone very special can never be taken away from us. We say this phrase "you are the most wonderful gift from God I have ever received..." After a terrible fight or sometimes even a petty quarrel we then say "You are the biggest mistake I've ever made for my entire life!!!" Now, how do you say and spell the word L-O-V-E? Are you really deeply into it?

Frankly, nobody can tell what love really is until experience speaks and whispers right into our ears. Most of the time, these love promises like "forever, till death do us apart, blah blah blah…" would end up "We should part ways, I'm no longer happy with you! My love for you is DEAD!!!" Many times we think, after having committed to someone and your trust to one another freezes down to zero degrees, that "S/He isn’t the right one. I should probably wait for the right one to come." But the big question anyone could not answer is, "Is s/he the right one?" and "When is the right time?" Will you always be waiting for the right person to come and the right time to commit? A big YES is the answer.

I have learned not to rush into a relationship because you can never find love if you insist that you are already into it. For singletons like me, you need to try to find time to really understand your real feelings, to know who you really are, and what you really want in a relationship.

You're right, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, but there's a compatible partnership that goes along with it. If you already knew that you're too big to fit into a small sized t-shirt, don't give it a try. You'll probably break it and pay for the damages you have made. If you knew and felt that the relationship will not last, don't go deeper into it. You'll just suffer the consequences and live like hell for the rest of your life.

It's really hard to say goodbye though, but you can't make it any better by just pretending you still have the same feelings. Believe me. Just try to let go and give yourself a chance to live life to the fullest. Give yourself a chance to grow and give your heart a much needed attention. Then you will find that you have made the right decision and you made it all by yourself. More frequently than not, we all act in a hypocritical manner for some reason.

We call it love when we can't leave someone and see them crying as we try to let go. We are wrong, it's just pity. We call it love when we're too attached and think that losing the one we love will somehow make us weak and unable to face the storms of life. We misunderstood, it’s just that we're too much dependent on them. We call it love when we give our whole life to them, the wholeness of us and imagined that if they leave no one would accept us and our past. We are mistaken, it’s just insecurity.

But no matter what the definition is, the truth still remains that love isn't something you can buy nor beg. It is real and existing. You can't touch it but you can feel it in your heart. You can't find it, but it will knock before you when you least expect it to come. It can make you the happiest soul in heaven, but don't forget that it also can make you the most miserable person in the whole galaxy.

My bestfriend once told me that "finding the right person is very hard and very wrong... it is best to be the right person for the one you love and start from there. You'll always end up disappointed when you set standards and define a "right person" for you... and don't rush things because somewhere somehow God is preparing somebody for you." Then I said to myself unconvincingly, “You’ve got to be kidding me! I can’t wait forever! I’ll be old…and lonely.”

So when another good friend of mine lent me a book titled ‘When God Writes Your Love Story’, I told myself while shrugging my shoulders, “Oh well, how hard can it be?” From the book I learned that you can never be perfect...the person you love can never be perfect...but both of you can be perfect through love and prayers, and your love can be perfect through the both of you. But, no relationship is complete without God...that's why we have marriage -- it's a bond not only between you and your loved one but also with God. All we need to do is give the pen to him and let him write our love stories. It won’t be easy, though, because He will make the choices for us. But with Him, nothing could go wrong.

I think that our relationships fail not because s/he's not the right person, it's because we expected too much and we decided on our own. Let God do the work. You may call it waiting time. But while you are waiting...pray. Let God guide you always. He knows better. No, He knows best.
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See previous blog entry: http://mymaria.multiply.com/journal/item/46/F_U_C_K_Vday