Random blog.

After an awakening, a life-altering moment, I got to thinking what life really meant for me and what I have to do with it. Sure enough, I got even more confused. Thoughts on life don't come really light; instead, imagine Atlas trying to carry the world on his shoulders. Not easy!

No, I'm not going to bore you with a talk about life because at 25, I am not yet confident with my own definitions. But I'll tell you... what you see is what you get from me, yet I'm not that transparent as some people think.

What am I saying? Nothing really. Ranting? Raving? Taking it out on this mundane blog? You see, I'm just trying to get my point across. I don't hate anyone... even if they hate me. I don't really give a crap what people say because I know myself better and He knows me and the things I'm trying to do right this time. Sure, everybody deserves a second chance... though I'm not really the type to give them. But give me a break! Just because I made a couple of unforgivable mistakes in the past, it doesn't make me a lesser person. In fact, what I have become is all thanks to the screw-ups I've made in my life. The wise and un-wise decisions, the right mistakes.

I'm not going to say I'm a perfect person now or that I am incapable of committing a crime. If the devil in the deep blue sea consumes me, then I might just have to give in... but the thing is, I'm NOT that kind of person anymore. I have grown better, stronger, and become someone you don't easily brush aside. Yes, I am stubborn. Yes, I am pretty crazy. But that's because I am me... still me.

A friend of mine sent me an SMS today and said: "Mai, this isn't to make u feel good ha... [cites a recent incident in my life]... they were all amazed and smiling... they very well remember how different u r, how unique, how beautiful... That is what u r to us... U never fail to make us smile even n ur most peculiar ways. We love u maia, basin wa ka kabaw ana"... and this just made my day!

I've been depressed recently; I know, you can tell with all the eating and the binge drinking. It's not even hormones I tell you. I just had to let it all out or I might explode and I seriously don't want to waste the rest of my life... I don't want to give up on this life just because I have fallen. I have been picked up and the pieces have been gathered. Starting today, I have decided. Never to give up. I have the strength I need now. From God, my friends, and my family. Don't dare stop me. Just don't dare me. I will fight to the very end. For what I believe that is right and for happiness.

Life is not something you can paint because it is too beautiful. When you figure it out, you muster enough strength and will to live so you can move on and give it your best shot. The most important thing in this life is giving back what has been given to you and more if you can.  To not do the things you don't what other people to do to you. To inspire people and not drag them down. It's like metamorphosis. In the end, you'll become a really beautiful butterfly and everyone will forget what a fugly caterpillar you were.

This is my life now. A new one. A better one. With my renewed faith in God, there is nothing I can't do now. I trust Him... with this life. He will guide me and this time it will be for Him.

Dont worry mother
Itll be alright
And dont worry sister
Say your prayers and sleep tight
And itll be fine
Lover of mine
Itll be just fine

And lend your voices only
To sounds of freedom
No longer lend your strength
To that which you wish
To be free from
Fill your lives
With love and bravery
And you shall lead
A life uncommon

Come on you unbelievers
Move out of the way
There is a new army coming
And we are armed with faith
To live, we must give
To live...

⋆✌㋡⋆ 陳美西