Why all the drama? I’ve been asked far too many times why I have to live a life of controversy. Don’t I want to put an end to it? Do I really want a life that is so complex? What is it with me and affairs of the heart. I guess that’s just ME. Misunderstood as always. I could choose not to tell the tales but I don’t want to wallow on my own, thus my life is an open book. I’m not even begging for sympathy, as I am the protagonist of the story. I just write… And people read. I’ve gotten fan mails. I’ve gotten hate mails, even death threats. HAHA! I’ve gotten phone calls, too. But you know what? I’m so used to it that I don’t get affected by anything, anymore. Seriously. So am I manhid? No! I still have feelings. I mean, how can I write the way I do if I don’t actually “feel” that way? I’m not that good of an artista to do something like that, you know. Or I would have pursued the entertainment business.

So what’s up with me? How’s the drama unfolding? Well, I jokingly tell some of my friends, who actually care enough to ask how I am doing and are too intrigued by the turn of events, that Season 2 of my ala telenovela life is yet to be released. We’re still “taping”. LOL. Of course, we all move on. After one chapter in our lives comes to an end, we turn the page. That’s how it works. It’s how it should work.

I had reflected some and thought of how much I’ve been through, how far I’ve gone, and ultimately what I’ve become. (Scanning through 6 years of my blog.) So you know what they say skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts? Well, I got my heart broken twice alright, but I’m not giving up. “No retreat, no surrender!” I keep encouraging myself (and others, too!) Every time I get out of a relationship, I always resolve to be better and then give myself some time, although it’s not my fault that the boys come running. HAHA! So who’s the next leading man? I can’t really say. For this time, some things may be better left unsaid. Come on, you say? Well, if good things always come to those who wait, then why rush now? Let me just say I got my sights set on someone and I’m just waiting for the right time. And yeah, time will come. I don’t intend to live a solitary life or end up as a spinster.

Mind you, I didn’t always have rollercoaster love affairs. Okay, maybe 85% of the time. Yes, it’s always been different whenever you just take things slow. Like soap operas -- as the plot develops, the story gets more and more interesting and addicting, albeit corny at times… and even if you already know the climax, you’re just hooked. Well, I am hooked right now. And this feeling that’s inside me is just not something I want to hasten. Slowly but surely kumbaga.

I thought a death in a story was something that always made the dramas even more moving… but it was my beloved Grandma who died recently. It was just too much. I didn’t want that part one bit. (I wished it were someone else.) But I guess, life is just ironic like that -- and the supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive. I pray for my Grandma everyday and I ask her to watch over me, that I may also find the kind of love that she and my Lolo had. Theirs lasted 56 years until my Lolo passed away in ‘91.

I will always be a hopeless romantic. Come hell or high water, I am in love with love… and the drama will always be part of it. I can’t imagine life without amore. Someone had asked me once some time ago, “You’re always in love, aren’t ya?” Apparently, the answer is yes. I can’t seem to remember a point in my life where I was “loveless”. Loved less perhaps but I feel so lucky still having a lot of love around me. Maybe LOVE is in love with me, too. HAHAHA! Now, I’m being foolish. But then love does that to people, you know. Lots of times, we all act crazy because of love and it’s that feeling I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. The one that lifts us up where we belong. That indescribable feeling. That same love that millions of songs are written about, that people from all races and walks of life could sing their hearts out to. Love is really that thing that makes the world go ‘round… isn’t it?

Now let me end this blog with some lines from a song:

It's all about drama, and love, and relationships
And when the going gets tough, you deal with it
And you don't ever, you never walk away from it
You hold on, and be strong…

It’s a very nice ballad by Babyface. Watch the MV here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3I8L1ofD7A



Until then... I'll write some more next time. :)

⋆✌㋡ღ⋆ ia\m/^_^\m/ai 陳美西