My understanding of love leading to happiness has given everything in my life a new meaning. Now that I’ve come of age, I have felt the contentment that I had always anticipated. Of course, I wouldn’t mind having more money in my measly bank account but as far as relationships and my 25 years of existence are concerned, my life has never been better. I know for a fact that with whatever problems/trials that would come, I would easily breeze through it (perhaps being manhid has its advantages) and that nothing would ever change my mind whenever I set my heart on it. I have proven that and I am as stubborn as ever. Unyielding? You can say that again! Because I never believed in denying one’s happiness, I sometimes become completely tolerant; so tolerant that even if it seems stupid already, as long as it makes you happy (and it doesn’t break the Golden Rule and measures up to the rules of Karma), I am all for it. I mean, Sheryl Crow did sing, “If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad!”

A text message I received today stated: There’s no point in sacrificing your happiness when it does not conform to what your heart dictates. As everyone is created uniquely, everyone does get a right to choose where they’d be happy. If it ensures lifetime happiness, then GO FOR IT! You wouldn’t want a miserable life faking the world with smiles, right? Right! And I know a lot of people who had sought for the meaning of life and ended up with finding love instead, which eventually led to happiness. I know I did. For me, I think love and happiness go hand in hand. A few Valentines ago, I wrote about not rushing into a relationship because you can never find love if you insist that you are already into it and that you need to try to find time to really understand your real feelings, to know who you really are, and what you really want in a relationship. Only then can one be contented and then be truly happy.



So many things have been written about love. Some people call it love when we can't leave someone and see them crying as we try to let go; we are wrong, it's just pity. Some people call it love when we're too attached and think that losing the one we love will somehow make us weak and unable to face the storms of life; we misunderstood, it’s just that we're too much dependent on them. And then there are people who call it love when we give our whole life to them, the wholeness of us and imagined that if they leave, no one would accept us and our past; we are mistaken, it’s just insecurity.

I have learned over time that searching for that “right” person for yourself isn’t the way it should be. All those fairy tale stories of Prince Charming, the knight in shining armor, or our modern day Edward Cullen, the vampire on a shiny silver Volvo, are just for hopeless romantics. You can wait forever but waiting is all you’ll ever do. On the other hand, you can be the “right” person for someone.  So instead of asking the question, “Is this the right person for me?” why not ask, “Am I being the right person? Am I being a person who comes to a relationship filled with love to share, or am I being a needy person hoping to get love and validation?” I think that our relationships fail not because he or she isn’t the right person, it's because we expected too much and we decided on our own. But I guess the main reason that many relationships don't work is because each person is disappointed in not getting what they expected to get from the other person.



You see, it is actually fairly easy to know if this is the right person for you when your intent in being in a relationship is to learn together and share love. It would be very ideal when two people are truly open to learning about themselves, to growing emotionally and spiritually, to taking responsibility for their own feelings of safety and security, worth and lovability, and will not be attracted to a person who is closed, controlling, and just wants to get love. But remember that knowing if this is the right person for you does not happen instantly. It takes months to discover whether or not a person is who they say they are. I’ve known the person I am in love with for 8 years, and it’s only now that I’ve realized that you cannot really know who a person is until you have conflict and find out what this person does in conflict. Some people can appear very open and loving until a conflict comes up and then they get angry, withdraw, resist or comply, closing down rather than staying open to learning about themselves and the other person. Since none of us enter relationships fully healed, it is very important to know that your partner is willing to explore conflict rather than just protect against it with controlling behavior. Conflict occurs in all relationships, and if both people are not open to learning about themselves and each other within the conflict, the unresolved conflicts will eventually destroy the relationship. We should all keep that in mind.

When we think we're in love the first thing we want the whole world to know is that our love for someone very special can never be taken away from us. Because we are overwhelmed with joy and romance, we forget to learn the meaning of true love. Some are saying that love is unselfish, blind, unconditional, or simply denying oneself for the sake of someone very important in our life. Others are saying love is immortal and can never be defined. George Sand beautifully expressed that, “there is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.” Love can bring authentic happiness and a smile to the most hard-hearted people. There is nothing or no one in life that love cannot change. The simplest way to achieve authentic happiness is by always being surrounded by people you love. When you are around your loved ones, it gives you a sense of belonging which can buffer you from stress. Love is a language the dumb can speak, a wonderful sight that the blind can see, and a harmonious song that the deaf can hear.



As with Feng Shui, if you want happiness then share happiness with all you meet and if you want love then give love freely and from your heart. But you know what is the most important tip for happiness? Love deeply and passionately. Sure enough you will get disappointed and hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely. I am in love and I am happy; therefore, to love is to be happy.



Let's celebrate life and love this coming V-Day!!! Happy Hearts Day, everyone!

⋆✌㋡ღ⋆ ia\m/^_^\m/ai 陳美西